What “de-centering men” actually means in relationships

I used to be someone whose world completely collapsed if her partner didn’t text her back, and one who started conversations with “So, are you dating anyone recently?”. In my early twenties, dating and self-worth in relationships were closely tied together. My sun was the whole male population, pulling my world into orbit. I think that most women go through similar phases, and some never leave them. There is a lot of online discourse about de-centering men. While I think that can be beneficial, I think it is important actually to explain what that means.

It’s about taking back control of your planetary orbit. The most long-term way to go about this is to begin a relationship with yourself. Of course, you’ve definitely heard this one before: “love yourself before you love others”, so why do we not follow it? As I always say, we live in an extremely busy world and barely have any time to focus on ourselves (it is deemed “unproductive”), especially in a city like Dubai. Once we have some time to sit down with our thoughts, social media tells us what those thoughts should be, especially in relationships. The cherry on top is that women are usually judged for wanting to be anything but the societal standard, especially if they have to, god forbid, be introspective. Additionally, many partners can hinder our growth and add to the narrative of keeping women displaced from themselves. It goes without saying that this is incredibly difficult to achieve given all of these circumstances.

Personally, when I began to take back control of who I wanted to be in a relationship, I realised that every opinion about women is extremely black and white. Independent? Selfish. Nurturing? Weak and submissive. We are not allowed to exist as ourselves, independent of public opinion. But I realised that if I am getting ostracised for being anything, I might as well choose to be who I truly am. That’s when I decided to throw out all the rules and put my persona and relationships in my own hands.

A lot of us do not know what we are worthy of, what we truly desire, what we need, and where our boundaries lie. But I want you to ask yourself: do you know what you actually want out of a relationship? Do you know what kind of girlfriend, friend, or family member you really want to be? Do you want to find out and stop centering these answers around others?

I know this can be “easier said than done”, and I’m not going to lie to you, it is incredibly difficult. That is why I offer a safe space for you to begin this relationship with yourself, either through my 1:1 coaching or your personal journey. Aphrodite’s Kitchen is completely detached from social media and societal expectations, especially the male gaze, and we will implement who you are in every relationship in your life if needed.

You will take back control of your planetary orbit. You will be allowed to exist as an entire person, with relationships that are partnerships rather than a solar system of planets orbiting a sun. Two entire people allowed to exist, two sets of opinions, values, and actions. Because you become strong in yourself, you can be more present in your relationships and create your ideal relationship dynamics. A self-aware and fulfilled woman, acting in this life the way she wants to. That is the true meaning of de-centering men.